Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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