There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
