i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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