did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
