There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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