ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
