Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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