I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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