Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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