She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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