just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
