Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Randomize
