i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
