i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
