the day after is always just damage control
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
