i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
