Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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