K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
