I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
