Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
