So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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