I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
