I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
