I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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