I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
