you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
