What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
