I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
