just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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