Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
well you can't waste a boner
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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