This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
