"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize