You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
