seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
