I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize