I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
