omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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