I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
