i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Randomize
