I molested 6 butterflies tonight
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
