i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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