My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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