i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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