Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
