I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
