The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
