my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
