I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
