so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
