I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
