A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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