i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
