I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize