it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Swine flu is the new snow day.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
only you would photoshop your dick
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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