hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
