I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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