I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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