I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
