babies were throwing up all over the place
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
ttyl tear gas
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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