I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
