Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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