Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
