i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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