you guys were way drunker than both of me
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
