I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
