my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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