You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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