last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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