You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize