Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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