i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
