I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
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