I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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