Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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