Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
